maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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