This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize