There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
