People in love make me want to vomit
i just google imaged poop.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
