I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
