bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
