The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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