Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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