so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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