WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
