yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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