Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Randomize
