just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
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