is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Randomize
