All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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