Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
