new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
i need some magic done to my vagina
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
