I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
