I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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