we have pet lesbian snakes
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
