Since when is my name a synonym for head?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
We need to get me chipped asap
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
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