Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize