Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
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I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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