No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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