I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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