you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
