it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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