Whod you bang
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
We need to get me chipped asap
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
