she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Found the puke drawer
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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