You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
