I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize