mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
