Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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