I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
