I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
