When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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