I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
