just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
