I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Randomize
