if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
