i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Success! We fucked roommates!
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