it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
