Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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