I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
