omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
