i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
