I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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