I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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