I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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