had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
