i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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