big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
