I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
