im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
