She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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