It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
