i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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