using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
last night I used snow as a chaser
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
