if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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