yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I just threw up on my dentist
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
